The Frustration of Self Publishing!


Yesterday, I spent all day turning jpgs into pdfs. Why Clip Studio Paint just doesn’t have an option to export images as pdfs is beyond me. I then merged all of these pdfs to create a one large pdf, and then I had to compress this pdf in order to turn it into createspace, because createspace won’t take anything too big. This took all day… And it’s not like I could just watch Netflix while doing it. It required my attention, lest I might get a page out of order. It was also a last ditch effort in editing. To my frustration, I actually found a lot of mistakes, but at least I found them , right?

For those of you who don’t know what is, it is a self publishing website. I imagine that it runs rather smoothly for those who are publishing traditional books, but I am self publishing a graphic novel, and I have to make sure all of my images come through with good resolution, and that important dialogue boxes don’t get cut off.

One of the best features of self-publishing is that I can create my own cover. And I created one that I’m pretty proud of. I think it has a cool design. I like all the typefaces; they’re indicative of my story. It’s clean, and presents most of the information one would need. It has a blurb, a subtitle, a place for my bar code. I could mention that it is a graphic novel somewhere on there… cover

Anyway, little tweaks that lead to perfection aside, I submitted this on createspace, only then to realize the dimensions are all wrong. I’ll own up to the mistake; notice how I’m not blaming any website or program for my mistake. However, now I have to wait for createspace personnel to reject this cover, because the file is pending, even though I already know it’s not going to work. Why can’t I cancel it? I’m dying….

Take a deep breath, Miriam. You can do this. You know, People, I’m not normally prone to anxiety. I’m not normally prone to demonstrating fits of emotion. At work, my coworkers even say, “are you Joanna angry or Miriam angry?” because when your boss is Polish they’ll let you know-they’ll let everyone know what it is that’s upsetting them, why, and to what degree.

I’m not someone who keeps things bottled up, but I’m controlled. I’m cerebral, and interested in finding a solution. I’m like one of those engineers in Silicon Valley, except that I lack technological know-how. (It’s really difficult when you don’t have a specialization as well as poor emoting skills. I mean, I’m terrible at abstract math(like algebra), and I’m really lacking in sympathy.)

I hated being in high school. I hated not being in control. For the most part, I love being an adult. I love having obligations and deadlines. I love going to the bank and depositing money that I made from my adult job. I even like filling out my taxes. I could never empathize with those who want to go back to middle school and live a carefree lifestyle, riding your bike and not worrying about the budget deficit. I like thinking about how I could fix the budget deficit if I was ruler of the free world …

But right now, I want my mommy…

If you ever have moments of wanting your mommy, and can understand, hit the follow button up above. We can grieve about being adults and having responsibility, all together.


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